I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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