Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
