At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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