That's intense
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
