you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just had sex on a roof
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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