$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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