I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
