is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
