im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
