Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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