you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
