There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
