I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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