you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
