god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
