Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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