Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
