I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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