It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
