i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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