i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize