Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
