today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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