did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
