WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
