She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
