Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
