your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
