the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
