didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we're making bets on your personal life
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
