Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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