In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
