I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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