Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
