I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
