for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
