I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
