How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
