Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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