dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
