I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
