What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize