Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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