the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
