Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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