Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
