I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
