My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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