It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
