I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
