Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize