do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
