I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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