my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
