he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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