he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
