If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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