I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
