you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
