i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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