He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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