her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
