fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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