I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize