soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
