Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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