The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
