So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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