shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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