Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize