I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
