the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
