Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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