I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
