I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize