Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You work out of a Hotel?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize