The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
