I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
