This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
