she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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